crazy. busy. excitement. anxiety.

yesterday, we had a big dinner for my college (CABNR = college of agriculture, bio
technology, and natural resources) to celebrate the seniors graduating from any major within our college. it was nice to get all dressed up and have a dinner with all the biochemers and some of our family members. they also honored some of the faculty and students after the dinner. dr. welch is retiring, so dr. blomquist gave a nice [funny] speech about him, which was pretty cool. [i'm still kind of proud that we managed to get a group photo with him and a couple of the other professors.] everyone kept saying that with his retirement comes the end of an era. awww. in fact, tomorrow will be his last lecture. and my last [ridiculously early in the morning] graduate seminar with him. it's just so crazy to think about how this is all coming so fast!

last night, i stayed up until past 2:30 working on my thesis. i still have some work to do, but my professor wanted to look over it so he could offer feedback before we have to turn it in. so it was a busy night. semi-stressful, but i'm proud of myself for staying calm and just working away on getting it written.

today, i had my honors convocation where i received my stole to wear at graduation. my professor was there to place the stole on me as the director of the honors program read a little tidbit about me. when she sent the survey of questions to fill out, i guess my answers were slightly longwinded because she shortened them. for example, i said that after graduation i want to take a year off and continue doing research and also do some traveling, then head off to graduate school to get a phd in biochemistry & molecular biology. she shorted in to "amy will take some time to travel before getting a phd in biochemistry." at which point, claus [my professor] said "ahh... trader!" there is sort of a debate in our department about which is better, biochemistry or molecular biology. claus sides with molecular biology. :] walking out to my car in my cap & gown & stole got me pretty excited for graduation. now it's hard to focus on everything that still needs to be done!

tonight, i have to design my poster for the thesis. part of our biochem thesis includes a poster day, where we each senior prepares a 48x36 inch poster about their research and then stands there presenting it to professors and faculty. i have to print mine on thursday, which means it needs to be reviewed tomorrow. i should have started it quite a while ago, but i've been so busy. so it will be yet another late night filled with anxiety. eek.

i also got back my organic spectroscopy exam today. i got the extra credit problem nearly right to give me 109%. finally a good score in that class. :]

& & when i got home i had the loveliest package from may. [thanks may!] inside was the amazing heidi grace baby line. i have ideas swirling in my mind already for a project. so i just might have to take some time on saturday to see what i can do. also in the package were the new scissors with skulls on them. when we got home from dinner tonight, i had all the goodies on the kitchen counter and james saw those scissors and asked if he could have them. ha. i reluctantly gave them up. & & get this... he doesn't want to take them out of the package. he just wants to keep them. :]

well. i guess it's time to get to work. eek. so much to do. and only 2 weeks left!

mike's take on james and amy:

mike: u guys are good together
me: yeah. it's still weird to me.
me: total opposites. but science nerds i guess.
mike: it's true
me: do you know if we have an EST library for Ips pini?
mike: i'm not sure
me: i think james and i have just enough in common to make it work.
mike: yeah i mean u guys are the emil fischer version of humans
mike: inherant shapes are different.. but fit perfect to make it work

[working on writing tonight. ack. but it's almost done!]

why oh why.

why do i insist on procrastinating?

i have to turn in the rough draft of my complete thesis to my p.i. on monday.
i haven't worked on it SINCE DECEMBER.

i also have to design my poster to be printed out on wednesday.
you guessed it... haven't started that either.


tomorrow i do believe that i will have to spend the night at starbucks.


on a better note... james and i went for a walk tonight with helix.
walking around the neighborhood at night makes me feel good. i'm not exactly sure why, but there is just something magical about the nighttime air. oh and the stars. *sigh* :]

as usual, i have work tomorrow. ugh.
time to get some sleep. hopefully tonight the earthquakes won't wake me up like they did last night.

i felt it.

tonight james and i went to see a movie.
here's what happened...

before the movie...
me: "babe. is it weird that i kind of want to feel a big earthquake?"
james: "no. i know what you mean... i want to see what it's like too."

and sure enough during the movie... a big earthquake shook the whole theater. it lasted a little longer than i needed it to in order to get my "earthquake experience". in fact, it lasted so long that i felt nauseous. afterwards, james said it made him sick to his stomach too. good thing it was a rare popcorn-free movie night.
seriously.
so strange.

when i got home, my mom was pretty shaken up. our house is quite a big closer to the epicenter than the theater. she said there had been several after that big one that she felt as well. all of the pictures on our walls are off kilter now and things were falling off some of the shelves. ack.

by the way, the movie was ok. i was totally annoyed by everyone around me in the theater... namely the boy behind me who took a phone call. seriously. again. ugh. james liked the movie, so maybe i will have to give it another try when it comes out on dvd. :]

hopefully we'll have a calm night tonight because i am exhausted.
[last night, an earthquake woke me up just after i had fallen asleep.]
looking forward to the weekend even though i have to write my whole thesis. eek!

did you feel that?

we've been having nonstop earthquakes around here.
i generally don't feel earthquakes, but i've been feeling some of these.
last night one of them actually woke me up. eek.
most of them have been under 4.0 [just a few over 4.0] but i've been getting emails from the university warning that we may have one over 6.0 soon.

anyway. i'm off to soak up some more baby time. loving these past couple days. :]
happy friday!

p.s. also happy DNA day today!

woot.

today was a little rough, but i got my presentation done, and i'm so glad it's over.
it was nice to hear some of the grad students' input on my work because it didn't turn out the way i *wanted* it to, but it does tell us something about the pheromone pathway, which they reminded me is still important. :]

my head is still hurting so bad from not eating much today [too busy and nervous] but at least i'm feeling some relief.

we had to take helix to the vet for a couple shots today, and i got to meet the coolest bird ever!
our friend nicole works there, so when i went in to meet james she came over and made me hold the bird. i was a little scared, but really there is nothing to be afraid of. and of course, now i totally want one. ha.

it's also a good day because my brother, amanda, and victoria are visiting this week. they've been in carson so far this week, but now they are on their way to reno. so i get to hang out with my niece today! i can't believe how grown up she looks in this photo. seriously. but i think it's adorable. :]

well they actually just arrived, so i'm going to go play. happy wednesday. :]

sigh and move on.

first, i hope that no one thinks i'm being too much of a complainer lately.
BUT the thing is, this is my blog... it represents my life... the good + the bad.
writing things out really helps me move on, so that's just what i do here.

anyway.
i'm a firm believer in the whole "kill them with kindness" thing, so today how about a twist on that... "kill my own bad feelings and self doubt with kindness."
yes.
it's time for a grateful list:

yesterday i got an email from melita that really helped me put the whole not getting the job thing into perspective. i'm thankful for her outlook. & & alyssa, i'm also thankful for your words of encouragement. :]

i spent last night not doing homework, and instead getting coffee with someone who is important in my life. [you can guess.] it was nice. it's always good to know that the ones who you care about are doing well.

i also had lunch today with mark hubbard. we have lunch together twice a week after evolution, but today was especially nice because it was just the two of us. it made for a good conversation.

i left the living room to watch the announcement video, and now as i type this i can hear james out there laughing occasionally at a movie. it makes me smile every time.

speaking of laughing. i have a couple friends with the most contagious laughs. i am thankful for that. it's only slightly unfortunate when one of them starts laughing at something during class. because then NONE of us can stop, and it's game over for paying attention to lecture. yes. unfortunate, but i so love it.

i got an email from my mom last night with photos of my sister and niece. so adorable. plus a photo of my parents together playing golf. photos of the two of them are rare for some reason... so it definitely made me smile.

ok. that list has me smiling and feeling good.
i have a ridiculous amount of work to do in order to get ready to present my research at lab meeting tomorrow, so i better run.
here's to the week getting better + kicking this feeling of doubt and general blah-ness.

p.s. james just came in here and asked me what's wrong... he said we should go get ice cream. so sweet. :]

"maybe you would have been something i'd be good at. but. now. we'll. never. know."

i'm fairly certain the song that quote comes from it a break up song, but it works for me right now.
[no. there is no break up anywhere in sight.]

i applied for this silly dream job position, and i just found out that i didn't get it.
i figured as much, but it still sucks.

i don't really know what else to say.
i just barely got off the phone before i started crying. how lame am i?
but the thing is... i'm not a risk taker and this is exactly why. i hate being let down.

i don't know. i guess now i just take the advice that i gave to genea not so long ago... keep your face to the sun and you can see no shadows.
as much as i just want to crawl into bed right now and have a moment to be sad, i can't.
i have to believe that good things really do come.
i have to focus on the fact that i do have a really really good life, silly dream job or not. things happen and they cloud my vision every so often, but really. i am thankful for this life of mine.

and besides all of that, i already spent saturday in bed catching up on sleep. i can't allow myself another day of nothingness as much as i may want it. i have to prepare to present my research at lab meeting on wednesday for the last time. gasp.

so. maybe i'll go tell james and have a hug. then i will keep this song on repeat and get to work.
life goes on.

"in creeps the morning & another day is lost."

friday night erin and i went to see tegan and sara.

it was amazing. it's always refreshing when a band plays a good live show. especially since some bands aren't too fabulous live. plus, both tegan and sara are excellent story tellers.

here's an example from tegan:
"it's so weird to be in reno where you have legalized gambling. but probably for different reasons than you are used to hearing. see. when sara and i were little, like 10 or so, our grandpa retired and took up slot machines as his hobby. he would take them apart and collect them and stuff. so their basement was full of slot machines, and sara and i would spend hours down there with a bucket of quarters just playing the slots. when we ran out of quarters, we would just call our grandma and she would come open the machine and give us our money back. so now. i mean... the owner of this casino probably doesn't want me to tell you this... but i see people out there gambling, and i just want to go tell them it's a bad idea... grandma's not going to come open the machine and give you your money back."

the only unfortunate part of the show was the audience. probably the most rude audience i've ever been amongst. the girls in front of us were taking a million photos... OF THEMSELVES. flashing erin and i in the face every 3-5 minutes. ugh. so annoying. then a boy who was near us took a phone call and had a FULL conversation: "hey! i'm at tegan and sara... yeah man... what's up?... oh sweet... so are you going to the gangster party tomorrow night?... the gangster party!?... yeah man... it's going to be awesome..." and ON and ON. ugh x 2. then there were the drunk girls. ugh x 3.
i just don't get paying $27.50 to go to a show and then not even paying attention to the music.

still. erin and i had fun. there's nothing quite like a night of live music from a favorite band. :]

after the show, we went downtown to meet up with james. i had purchased a cookie before the show and we ate some in the car on the way downtown... i think there was excessive sugar in that cookie because we both got super hyper.
we found this crazy hurst in the parking garage... so creepy. there was no way i could stand close enough to it to take a photo, but erin was brave. ha. we were trying to optimize the flash settings to get a good photo and people kept walking by. it was funny and embarrassing at the same time. and then we had some yucky food at the eldorado. lots of good laughs though.

i had a big cleaning to-do list for saturday, but i accidentally slept through it. yes. i think i was just exhausted from getting very little sleep during the week. i wanted to get up, but i just didn't have much choice. my body was telling me to sleep. i did manage to get a little organizing done late at night because of course i was wide awake. i'm thinking i need the clip-it-up. i'm hesitant because honestly, i think it's pretty ugly. so it's just a matter of getting to the point where i decide that the functionality is enough to outweigh the appearance. for now, i'm still going to try to make due without it... we'll see how long i last.

did i mention that i went to see drillbit taylor on thursday night with james, radhika, liz, and doug? it was a cute movie. there were some pretty funny parts, and i enjoyed it. the only problem was that the movie theater popcorn was ridiculously salty to the point where i couldn't stand it. and i think we all know what a fan of movie theater popcorn i am based on the fact that i sometimes agree to go to movies solely so that i can eat popcorn. so yes. it was a small tragedy.

ok. well. i guess it's time to head to bed. maybe a little more cleaning first. i'm finding that i actually do enjoy the feeling of cleaning/ organizing. & & doing it in small bits is kind of nice. a full saturday would have been excellent, but since that didn't happen... small bits of time will do. :]

p.s. i started a daily card countdown to graduation. just documenting 1 or 3 things from each day. i decided it was time to make something to put on the empty 7 gypsies atc spinner since i put it out on my craft desk. :] i'll take photos of the cards when i have a few more done and post them. & & one of these days i will finish that birthday countdown album and post some photos of it too. the main hold up is ordering the album. ack. i just hate ordering stuff online. [in the end, this is probably a good thing because i find things almost daily that i would order if i was a big online shopper. so yeah. my bank account is probably happier that i don't like to shop online.]

: |

a short while ago, i saw this piece of art. a day or two later, i had a really tough day. and i thought of the piece of art. and it comforted me. in a big way. and in an inspirational way. so i inquired about buying it.
i just received the word that i was second in line = didn't get the piece.

so now... i have to learn to *just keep going* on my own.
and i will.
there are always going to be bad exams, mean people, health problems, and really just generally rough days.
but you do the best you can and you get by.
and in the end... it all works.

plus, there's always music. :]
so pretty.

paper shredder.

my professor wheeled in a paper shredder as he entered the classroom this morning.
yep.
that was a first.
and just for future reference...
in case a similar situation ever happens to you...
it's not a good thing.
nope.
not good.

he said he looked at the exams and decided not to grade them because they weren't as good as he hoped. [but he didn't exactly say this in such a nice manner.]
grr.
so he gave us the option of turning them back in to be graded, or shredding them and taking a new exam next week.
i knew i definitely had one of the problems correct, but i wasn't sure about the other one.
[yes. the exam was two problems to work out... they generally take me 2-3 hours each, and we have 50 minute exams.]
it sounded like since he was giving us this option, he wasn't going to give much partial credit for wrong answers... so...
i shredded it.

eek. it was pretty impulsive, but everyone else was doing it... so i would have felt kind of foolish being so confident.
part of me definitely wishes he would have just graded them and we could move on. but i just couldn't turn it back in to him. i don't know...

now i'm left with the stress of preparing for another exam next week.
but also the hope of doing really well. i understand the material and how to work the problems... i just have problems with structure elucidation. chemistry is not my strong point by any means, and i don't have a lot of experience with it... so it's just hard to know what structures are plausible.

ah well. head up and move along... that's all i can do for now.
one month until graduation! eeeeek!

p.s. my evolution test this morning was ehh. i'll have to wait and see how i did because i really have no idea what i was writing. i'm officially not a fan of essay exams.

one to go.

after i wrote the post below, i accidentally fell asleep.
i didn't wake up until 9pm.
it's now almost 11pm.
my exam is at 9:30am.
this is not good.

but this is:

three down.

my organic spectroscopy test was fine. i felt good when i left, but then as i spoke with other people in the class i started to question some of my answers... i hate how that happens! so i'll just have to wait and see.

my molecular biophys presentation this morning went really well. these presentations are part of the grad student work that i've been doing in order to get honors credit for the class. anyway, i felt so good afterwards, and i knew an answer to one of our professor's questions that none of the graduate students knew... that was an awesome feeling. it's just so cool to realize that i have learned *so* much over the past 4 years.

my evolution critique was ok. basically the 4 group members sit facing the 3 teaching assistants and the professor. we had 7 minutes to present the paper, and they had the rest of the 20 minutes to ask us questions. it seems short, but when you are sitting there... it feels like forever! the paper my group and i were discussing was really poor research. [to be honest, i'm not sure how it got published!] full of bad experimental design and way too much extrapolation of the results... so there was a lot to critique. i guess it just didn't go as smoothly as i wished. everyone else said it was fine, so maybe i was just over-thinking it. or maybe i just wanted it to go as well as my presentation this morning... ha.

ok. well i'm off to study. another lame post, but i just wanted to update. :]

p.s. my dad went to vegas on friday, and that night his heart went into atrial fibrillation. again. i believe this is 4 times in the past 3 months. the cardiologist in las vegas wouldn't convert him, so he is now taking blood thinners and waiting for a while. when i was younger, he was in atrial fibrillation for about 2 years because they couldn't get him back into sinus rhythm. so he seemed to be in ok with this... he said that if he could do it for 2 years, he could do it again. he joked that now he could actually drink a coke and not worry that it would put him into atrial fibrillation, since he's already there. his cardiologist here has been encouraging him to have the ablation procedure done, but for a long time the odds vs risks weren't good enough to make my dad comfortable with having it done. i'm not sure if he is considering it again... either way, it's scary. at the same time, all i can do is be thankful that i do have such an amazing family and that we all care about each other deeply.

p.s.s. yesterday my grandparents went to vegas. tonight my mom is going to vegas. tomorrow my sister is going to vegas. needless to say, i'm feeling left out.

busy. busy. busy.

tomorrow = organic spectroscopy exam
wednesday am = molecular biophys presentation
wednesday pm = evolution oral critique
thursday = evolution exam

so really, no time to blog + not much to blog about because all i've been doing is studying and preparing presentations.

but i have to say, james and i ate here on thursday and it is sooo good. james went with a friend the week before and kept saying he wanted to go back. now i've been looking forward to going back! it's pretty far away from where we live, but i think they might open one closer which would be awesome. :] so yeah. if you have one close... i totally recommend it.

my other new favorite is trader joe's mini milk chocolate peanut butter cups. keep them in the fridge and they are so so good.

do you have any new favorite foods?

ok. gotta run. i'll be back with a better post when things calm down. [which will hopefully happen before graduation, but there's just no telling.]

p.s. juno dvd comes out tomorrow. eek. so excited to watch it a million more times. :]

finally. a new scrap.

i know i made the page with the new heidi grace stuff a couple weeks ago, but i still feel like i haven't scrapped in forever. i guess by "scrapped" i mean made something where i actually felt creative. that page was super quick, and i didn't really play around with my stuff much in making it. tonight though... i was inspired, and i'm loving the results.

may posted a journaling challenge tonight [right up my alley, so i guess it was more of a "go make something!" with emphasis on the exclamation mark challenge.] along with a few posts about scrapping-mojo-restoration strategies... so i was feeling doubly inspired. plus i was just having a blah night... borderline bad mood in fact. so i decided that instead of crossing the line to bad mood and/or doing organic spec homework, i would test the waters and see if i could spark up some creativity. and. it worked!

this is probably one of my favorite pages. my mojo-restoration strategy of choice tonight was looking through old photos. these ones are seriously old. :] my mom brought me three boxes of older photos when i started scrapbooking, so i sometimes go through them and look for a good one. this one was in an envelope with some other photos of alex and me. i'm assuming his mom took them and gave copies to my mom. and yes, i used the original photo. an original with no negative in our possession. i don't feel bad about this or like there is anything at all wrong with it. and you know why? because at least now someone will see the photo. sitting in the box... not so much. no one except me ever looks in those boxes. but in my scrapbook... maybe. [people don't tend to look in those all that often either, but on occasion they do. plus now you get to see the photo too! ha.] so yeah.

i'm going to wait until the morning to get a better photo of it. i'll add it here when i do.

ok. i'm off to bed. & & it's only 12:30. woot. :]
tomorrow = class + bike ride or walk + homework + studying. eek.
goodnight.

eta: i finally got the photo uploader thingy to work, so here it is...
i used new + old scenic route papers, ki lace cardstock, ac vinyl thickers, heidi grace dimensional stickers, plus some buttons from my stash. :]

thief.

yes. i have stolen this from alyssa. :]
[i just got home from my dreadful molecular biophysics exam. i want to go to sleep, but i know that if i take a nap, it will throw my off schedule too badly. i can't really think right now... so this will make for a better post than what i would come up with otherwise.]

what were you doing 10 years ago?
like alyssa, i was 12 years old and in the 6th grade. i had moved to fallon almost 2 years earlier, so i was still in the process of making new friends. i know i was good friends with genea paras and jessa minyard this year. i remember that i was really good at math... i corrected mrs. smith almost everyday during our math lesson. [i wish this were still true.] i went to reno every weekend, and i think we still had our house in the old neighborhood... that means i probably hung out with ashlee ernst almost every weekend and spent a few weekends at lake tahoe with her. i'm pretty sure i played soccer in ayso too. yikes. my memory is getting pretty bad.

5 things on my to do list today:
-more cleaning/puring
-go to the bank
-go to world market to look for cute containers
-take helix with me on a bike ride
-post for evolution discussion

3 bad habits:
-procrastinating
-letting the laundry pile up
-eating junk

if i were suddenly a billionaire:
i honestly wouldn't go too crazy with the spending. i would buy a house in san francisco by the ocean as soon as i graduate. [yes. slightly ridiculous, but hey... it's an investment, right?] otherwise, i would live comfortably but in moderation. i would be able to pay for grad school and for james' pharmacy school plus save a bunch for the future.

places i have lived:
reno and fallon. woot.

jobs i have had:
-beattie lab
-mentor for biochem freshmen
-tittiger lab
-scrapbook store

5 things people don't know about me:
1. just hearing about blood and the circulatory system makes me uber squeamish.
2. i can't float or swim.
3. i wish i could read music and play the piano.
4. i often envision learning both of the above as my "pregnancy project" like annie camden on 7th heaven. ha. [and just to be clear... this vision is for like 10 years in the future... not anytime soon.]
5. i can sleep for 12 hours and still be ridiculously tired. i don't know what happened because i used to be fine with only 4 hours. grr.

ok. my last 5 things are not great... but i have a hard time pulling things like that out of my mind on the spot... they just kind of have to come to the surface on their own.

p.s. on friday, we got the new animal crackers line at the store... i think the giraffes are so adorable.

get lost. part II.

today, we took another outdoor adventure. this time on bicycles. :]
when we got home, i could barely walk.
helix was ridiculously exhausted as well. i so wish that my camera battery wasn't dead because helix sprawled out by his water bowl would have been a fabulous moment to capture. it's not often that he gets so worn out.
meanwhile, james was fine. in fact, he was so unaffected by the adventure that he had to go to the gym tonight to get a proper workout in. ha.
i guess i have quite a ways to go before i am back in shape.

i also made good progress in cleaning up the soon-to-be craft room. james put the desk together on tuesday and that night, he issued me a challenge: throw 5 things away every day.
i've tried this type of thing before, but generally i had issued the challenge to myself, so there was really no means to keep myself on track after lets say... oh... the very first day. ha. there was also the request of my dad to have a 50% crap reduction in this house by his last birthday. his next birthday is coming at the end of may. see... my parents always ask me to clean things up, but they never really get mad when i don't. so. i don't.
but now. james is keeping me on track. :]
last night, we were both super tired and i hadn't thrown my 5 items away yet, so he said that i could just do 10 today. well. tonight when he left for the gym he told me i'd better have a whole bag of trash by the time he got back. i said something along the lines of "you said only 10!!" and he said "it doesn't matter. i want at least 20 now." i guess i got penalized for being a day late. ha.
but.
i actually did have a bag of trash by the time he got back! i have a lot more sorting and purging to do, but it feels good to be making progress. i just want that room done and looking cute so bad.

ok. this weekend is going to be full of studying, but james and i decided we might try to catch another matinee tomorrow. i'm going to go check the movie listings and head to bed. happy friday!

get lost.

today, james and i took helix for a nice long walk. we were going along one of the trails by my house, and we weren't really sure where we ended up or how to get back without turning right around. neither of us are big fans of just turning back around, so james said "lets just get lost." i'm so glad we did. it was really fun finding new trails, and we ended up making it back into my neighborhood from the total opposite direction that we left.

helix loved the little adventure too. at one point, two dogs were barking at him from their yard and he crouched down in the grass like he usually does when he wants to kind of spy on a situation, then he just darted off and jumped into the lake! he got about a quarter of the way out and then turned around and came back. i was laughing so hard. james and i couldn't believe he just jumped into the water the way he did. he can swim, but i don't think he really enjoys it. he hates getting a bath or getting hosed off [like he did as soon as we got home] so it was just really funny that he thought getting to those two dogs was worth getting wet. & & even more funny that he changed his mind. :]

in other news, i really want to go to this class. maria grace is one of my favorite scrapbookers, and i just think it would be so fun to take a class from her. plus, i've never been to that store and have heard that it's pretty amazing. plus, i have two exams next week, so it would be a good way to recover. ha. we'll see if i can make it happen or not.

ok. better get to the homework that i've been putting off. ack. happy april!