keeping my head up.

i haven't gotten any official word, but i'm pretty sure that i did not get the internship because two of my friends have found out that they got it, and there were only four spots available.

i'm not going to lie... i am frustrated. i went into the interview with low expectations and tried not to get my hopes up too high. but at the end of the interview, the two ladies who were my interviewers said i did well and passed onto the next round. they said there would be another round of interviews and this was just an initial screening interview. so i was really hoping to hear something... i mean, at least for a follow up interview. i wasn't expecting to hear people talking about how they got the positions!

it's not just this though... my classmates are so competitive, and it's just wearing me out so quickly. it's to the point where i suspect some people are looking out for themselves to the point where they don't want the rest of us to succeed. i really dislike being in an environment like this. there is no point! hurting other people to improve your own chances at success is just so sad.

anyway. i'm trying to remind myself that all i can do is my try my best and work my hardest. hopefully, eventually, something good will happen. i can't lose too much more sleep over this anyway because block exams are quickly approaching!

here's a silly song to tie in with this theme. i watched the movie "easy a" last night with some girl friends while james had poker night for the boys. this song is from that movie, and it's pretty funny.

music for monday

i have been relying on james for new music these days. it's just so convenient. but today, i thought i would share my own pick here. there's no video to go along with it, but i just think it's a really pretty song.

i have been home for the long weekend, which was nice. i rested and tried to get back in good health... i'm not sure that i'm completely healthy, but i do feel a little better. i tried to meet with a few people to catch up, but the only plan that panned out was breakfast with yenh at the old granite st. eatery, which is delicious by the way. i'm really glad that i got to see her. she's in her last year of pharmacy school... so we were able to talk about doubt, frustrations, fears, etc. that come along with this path. and yeah... there weren't many positive things said about it. ha! oh well.

today i have to head back to the bay. i'm excited to see james and helix because they stayed there this weekend... but i'm not excited to get back to reality. i looked over my calendar last night and nearly had a panic attack. two quizzes this week, mtm training, volunteering at the student run health clinic, internship interview... suffice to say i can't wait for next weekend! i pretty much live for the weekends, which is bad because i tend to take mini vacations during the weekend when i should be staying focused on school. ack.

speaking of reality... it's time to pack up my stuff. ugh.

[last] weekend in review.

the previous weekend was a busy one. we had quite a few guests staying with us because unr played in the kraft fight hunger bowl in s.f., but james and i also went to my school's winter gala.

on friday, the boys went to play golf and sarah and i headed up to napa where we got cupcakes [obviously] and went shopping at the outlet mall. mostly though, we just relaxed and caught up with each other. i've really been missing having nearby girl friends lately. i do have my school friends, but it's different. anyway. the boys came to meet us for dinner, so we found this little hole in the wall chinese restaurant via yelp that was delicious! people in the bay seem to use yelp quite a bit... so we've jumped on the bandwagon. it's pretty useful actually... especially for indecisive people like me. ha.

saturday, i still wasn't feeling well, so i stayed home for most of the day. the boys went riding in the morning, and once james' brother and his friends arrived everyone went to a brewery in petaluma called lagunitas. i have to say... i'm glad i didn't go. i enjoyed resting and taking my time getting ready for the gala. i'm still having a lot of pain from my rib, so it took me quite a while to flat iron my hair. ha!

howie and sarah came to dinner at a thai restaurant with james and me, and the rest of the group wanted to watch a motocross race at a bar... the only problem is that james and i don't know of any good/safe bars in vallejo. so they ended up at applebees. haha. [later at the gala, one of my friends mentioned that he and his fiance went to applebees before the gala. i told him that our friends went there too, and he said, "i was wondering why they were playing motocross!" i thought it was pretty funny.]

i really wanted to get a cute photo of this little thai bike thing that is outside the restaurant, but it was wet inside, so no one wanted to sit in it. my camera wasn't happy with the humidity either, but oh well...
james and i only planned to stay at the gala for about an hour, but we ended up staying for around three hours. oops! there was dancing, professional photos [just like prom] and a casino area, where you could learn different games with no risk of losing money. james taught me how to play craps, and i think it's pretty fun. i had a little trouble throwing the dice all the way to end of the table though. haha. there was also a "photobooth" where they had all kinds of props and then you took some photos on a computer. plus, we got to see friends outside of school. all in all, it was more fun than either of us anticipated.
my dress actually blended in almost perfectly with the background for the professional photos... it was hilarious.

on sunday, we headed into the city for the game. we got there early to do some activities before meeting up with everyone to tailgate. james' brother's friend was adamant about getting clam chowder, so we went to the wharf first, then stopped by the pier for a minute because his brother's other friend had never been to san francisco before... so he wanted to see a few touristy things.
there weren't many sea lions out, but there were a few. they really are silly animals to watch.

we went to the height next because james and i wanted to look for some shoes and the boys just wanted to watch a football game at a bar. have i ever mentioned on here that i really don't understand the point of spending time in a bar when you are in a new city? ughhh. oh well. we struck out with finding shoes, but it was fun to walk around with just james for a little bit. oh and i did find the cute headband that i'm wearing in the photos below. :]

eventually, we made our way to the game.
james' brother is usually pretty shy around me, but he really came out of his shell during the game. there was a guy in a wolf costume sitting in front of us, and he had a bag of these silver hulk-like fists... so johnny borrowed one. i have to say, it was pretty hilarious.
he decided to invade our photo too... which just looks silly. james and i left before the game was over because we wanted to avoid the mess of traffic. i had school the next day, and he had his first day of work... so we wanted to get home. i tried several times to get a good photo of us on the bridge with the park in the background... but it was too cold to stand there for too long. ha.
it would have been a cute photo if the background worked out like the one below... right?

anyway. i was tempted to not go to the game, but i'm glad i did. it was pretty exciting to see the majority of the stadium filled with blue. and it was even more exciting that we won the game! even if we didn't get to celebrate with everyone else who stayed in the city.

scraps + a little more.

thanks to the little bit of blogging i managed in the past few months, i realized well after finishing this first layout that the fox's name was bart. ha! i was so sure that his name was doug... ah well. i don't think i will fix it... probably just make a note on the back. i'm going to blame the fact that i've been sick for way too long now. it started right after thanksgiving and never really got better. i finally went to the student health center during block exams because my lungs were hurting with each breath, and i was diagnosed with bronchitis, given a breathing treatment, antibiotics, and an inhaler. i never got better though. during the triple jump exam [which is a three part closed book written/open book written/osce exam] i was ridiculously sick. covered in sweat, but shivering because i felt so cold. finally, when i got home i found out that i had pneumonia. so more antibiotics... and i'm still not really over it.

anyway. all that just to say that my brain was probably not fully functioning when i decided to make this layout. :]

it also started as a completely different vision... with the backsides of the two papers that make up the background as you see it now. i ripped it all apart and ruined the papers, then realized that the backsides fit together pretty nicely like this. almost everything is from the studio calico december kit called cosmopolitan.

this layout is waaaay cuter in person. i was thinking about my quilt... that i did not have the motivation to work on, and i decided to make a layout to mimic it. all the patterned paper squares are sewn onto the background paper. it was made using the busy sidewalks add-on kit. i love that snowman paper and really wish i would have bought another piece or two when it was still available in stores. not only are the snowmen cute, but the backside is delightful. it's a black snowflake pattern, and i'm pretty much in love with it.
i printed a few of my favorite photos of victoria opening her presents on christmas. i was really happy that they were able to come home this year. last year, they stayed in vegas... so it was a treat to see them even though it was only for a brief time. victoria is talking so much now and her little voice pretty much melts my heart. one of my favorite things is when she asks for something like crackers, if you ask her how many she wants, she holds up the number two on her fingers and says, "too many!" :] it had definitely been too long since i'd last seen her.
my parents gave here an american girl bitty baby because she loves dolls. but when she opened up the box with the baby blanket, she was sure it was meant for her. it was pretty funny. i actually made her a blanket this year, so i encouraged her to open that present next, at which point she became more willing use the doll blanket for the doll. :]

this layout was for a challenge to scrapbook about your goals/resolutions/whatever for 2011. i took the opportunity to do a ton of journaling and reflected on 2010 and what i want to keep the same or change in 2011. it's definitely a simple layout, but i think it works because of all the journaling.
i took the photo because i needed a recent photo of myself... so i just opened photobooth and then printed it without fussing over getting my hair looking right, or the lighting or anything. it was kind of fun to let go and not try to get a perfect photo. i think being sick probably helped me not care so much if i didn't look top notch. ha!

that's all for now, but i have a couple other finished layouts that i've been meaning to post. [considering i didn't blog one time in december... it's not too shocking that i haven't gotten around to them, right?]

this first week back at school has been interesting. i'm actually keeping up with my lectures as they come instead of saving them for the weekend... or right before exams. i didn't do as well as i had originally hoped in my first semester, but i'm going to approach this semester as a new chance. i finally figured out my best studying methods really late last semester, so just knowing how i want to set up my notes, etc. is a big help this time around. but aside from the school work, my classmates keep asking me if i am ok. i guess i don't seem like my usual self. i'm sure part of the reason is just being sick. plus, i'm still having some pain in my ribs... i separated the cartilage, which is just really uncomfortable. but also... i really had a hard time with the idea of coming back here. i still have moments where i wonder if this was the right decision. also i kind of wanted to switch my seat to sit closer and move away from people who just watch movies or play games online during lecture so that i can be more focused. but it's turning into a bit of an ordeal because some people are very territorial about their seats. ha! it's pretty silly actually, but i'm still trying to settle in i guess.

in other news... james got a new car. :] he's been wanting one for a while. and since he starts a new job that he needs to commute to, i think he decided it was a good time. but he ended up getting it from las vegas because they had the car he wanted at the best price. so after driving me back to the bay, he drove back to reno so his old car would be there, then flew to vegas to get the car and had to drive all the way back to the bay. it was a lot of alone time for him... but he's really excited about his wrx.

he's also on the waiting list for pharmacy school here. he found out right before christmas. it's obviously not what we had hoped for, but now we are just really keeping our fingers crossed that he will get good news over the summer. his new job is at novartis [a pharmaceutical company], so being able to add that to his resume should help a bit.

well. it's past my bedtime, and this post is way longer than i anticipated! goodnight. :]

and just like that...

exams were finished, and i headed home to nevada.

christmas came and went.

time was spent with my family.

and just like that...

it's another a new year.

i am happy + sad to say goodbye to 2010. it brought a lot of change for me. a new adventure in a new town. a new home. a new school. new surroundings and new friends. new independence. and new dependence at the same time.

but it was also the year i said goodbye to my grandpa for the last time. and even in this new year with promises of a fresh start, i still find myself sad. grieving. heartbroken. desperate to hold on to my memories.

which also makes me sad that i didn't do a better job of taking photos and blogging in 2010. i have a terrible memory, and i rely on this blog so much to remember the past.

so it's a new year. with new opportunities for all kinds of new stories. and hopefully i will keep up with documenting them.