crazy. busy. excitement. anxiety.

yesterday, we had a big dinner for my college (CABNR = college of agriculture, bio
technology, and natural resources) to celebrate the seniors graduating from any major within our college. it was nice to get all dressed up and have a dinner with all the biochemers and some of our family members. they also honored some of the faculty and students after the dinner. dr. welch is retiring, so dr. blomquist gave a nice [funny] speech about him, which was pretty cool. [i'm still kind of proud that we managed to get a group photo with him and a couple of the other professors.] everyone kept saying that with his retirement comes the end of an era. awww. in fact, tomorrow will be his last lecture. and my last [ridiculously early in the morning] graduate seminar with him. it's just so crazy to think about how this is all coming so fast!

last night, i stayed up until past 2:30 working on my thesis. i still have some work to do, but my professor wanted to look over it so he could offer feedback before we have to turn it in. so it was a busy night. semi-stressful, but i'm proud of myself for staying calm and just working away on getting it written.

today, i had my honors convocation where i received my stole to wear at graduation. my professor was there to place the stole on me as the director of the honors program read a little tidbit about me. when she sent the survey of questions to fill out, i guess my answers were slightly longwinded because she shortened them. for example, i said that after graduation i want to take a year off and continue doing research and also do some traveling, then head off to graduate school to get a phd in biochemistry & molecular biology. she shorted in to "amy will take some time to travel before getting a phd in biochemistry." at which point, claus [my professor] said "ahh... trader!" there is sort of a debate in our department about which is better, biochemistry or molecular biology. claus sides with molecular biology. :] walking out to my car in my cap & gown & stole got me pretty excited for graduation. now it's hard to focus on everything that still needs to be done!

tonight, i have to design my poster for the thesis. part of our biochem thesis includes a poster day, where we each senior prepares a 48x36 inch poster about their research and then stands there presenting it to professors and faculty. i have to print mine on thursday, which means it needs to be reviewed tomorrow. i should have started it quite a while ago, but i've been so busy. so it will be yet another late night filled with anxiety. eek.

i also got back my organic spectroscopy exam today. i got the extra credit problem nearly right to give me 109%. finally a good score in that class. :]

& & when i got home i had the loveliest package from may. [thanks may!] inside was the amazing heidi grace baby line. i have ideas swirling in my mind already for a project. so i just might have to take some time on saturday to see what i can do. also in the package were the new scissors with skulls on them. when we got home from dinner tonight, i had all the goodies on the kitchen counter and james saw those scissors and asked if he could have them. ha. i reluctantly gave them up. & & get this... he doesn't want to take them out of the package. he just wants to keep them. :]

well. i guess it's time to get to work. eek. so much to do. and only 2 weeks left!

mike's take on james and amy:

mike: u guys are good together
me: yeah. it's still weird to me.
me: total opposites. but science nerds i guess.
mike: it's true
me: do you know if we have an EST library for Ips pini?
mike: i'm not sure
me: i think james and i have just enough in common to make it work.
mike: yeah i mean u guys are the emil fischer version of humans
mike: inherant shapes are different.. but fit perfect to make it work

[working on writing tonight. ack. but it's almost done!]

why oh why.

why do i insist on procrastinating?

i have to turn in the rough draft of my complete thesis to my p.i. on monday.
i haven't worked on it SINCE DECEMBER.

i also have to design my poster to be printed out on wednesday.
you guessed it... haven't started that either.


tomorrow i do believe that i will have to spend the night at starbucks.


on a better note... james and i went for a walk tonight with helix.
walking around the neighborhood at night makes me feel good. i'm not exactly sure why, but there is just something magical about the nighttime air. oh and the stars. *sigh* :]

as usual, i have work tomorrow. ugh.
time to get some sleep. hopefully tonight the earthquakes won't wake me up like they did last night.

i felt it.

tonight james and i went to see a movie.
here's what happened...

before the movie...
me: "babe. is it weird that i kind of want to feel a big earthquake?"
james: "no. i know what you mean... i want to see what it's like too."

and sure enough during the movie... a big earthquake shook the whole theater. it lasted a little longer than i needed it to in order to get my "earthquake experience". in fact, it lasted so long that i felt nauseous. afterwards, james said it made him sick to his stomach too. good thing it was a rare popcorn-free movie night.
seriously.
so strange.

when i got home, my mom was pretty shaken up. our house is quite a big closer to the epicenter than the theater. she said there had been several after that big one that she felt as well. all of the pictures on our walls are off kilter now and things were falling off some of the shelves. ack.

by the way, the movie was ok. i was totally annoyed by everyone around me in the theater... namely the boy behind me who took a phone call. seriously. again. ugh. james liked the movie, so maybe i will have to give it another try when it comes out on dvd. :]

hopefully we'll have a calm night tonight because i am exhausted.
[last night, an earthquake woke me up just after i had fallen asleep.]
looking forward to the weekend even though i have to write my whole thesis. eek!

did you feel that?

we've been having nonstop earthquakes around here.
i generally don't feel earthquakes, but i've been feeling some of these.
last night one of them actually woke me up. eek.
most of them have been under 4.0 [just a few over 4.0] but i've been getting emails from the university warning that we may have one over 6.0 soon.

anyway. i'm off to soak up some more baby time. loving these past couple days. :]
happy friday!

p.s. also happy DNA day today!

woot.

today was a little rough, but i got my presentation done, and i'm so glad it's over.
it was nice to hear some of the grad students' input on my work because it didn't turn out the way i *wanted* it to, but it does tell us something about the pheromone pathway, which they reminded me is still important. :]

my head is still hurting so bad from not eating much today [too busy and nervous] but at least i'm feeling some relief.

we had to take helix to the vet for a couple shots today, and i got to meet the coolest bird ever!
our friend nicole works there, so when i went in to meet james she came over and made me hold the bird. i was a little scared, but really there is nothing to be afraid of. and of course, now i totally want one. ha.

it's also a good day because my brother, amanda, and victoria are visiting this week. they've been in carson so far this week, but now they are on their way to reno. so i get to hang out with my niece today! i can't believe how grown up she looks in this photo. seriously. but i think it's adorable. :]

well they actually just arrived, so i'm going to go play. happy wednesday. :]

sigh and move on.

first, i hope that no one thinks i'm being too much of a complainer lately.
BUT the thing is, this is my blog... it represents my life... the good + the bad.
writing things out really helps me move on, so that's just what i do here.

anyway.
i'm a firm believer in the whole "kill them with kindness" thing, so today how about a twist on that... "kill my own bad feelings and self doubt with kindness."
yes.
it's time for a grateful list:

yesterday i got an email from melita that really helped me put the whole not getting the job thing into perspective. i'm thankful for her outlook. & & alyssa, i'm also thankful for your words of encouragement. :]

i spent last night not doing homework, and instead getting coffee with someone who is important in my life. [you can guess.] it was nice. it's always good to know that the ones who you care about are doing well.

i also had lunch today with mark hubbard. we have lunch together twice a week after evolution, but today was especially nice because it was just the two of us. it made for a good conversation.

i left the living room to watch the announcement video, and now as i type this i can hear james out there laughing occasionally at a movie. it makes me smile every time.

speaking of laughing. i have a couple friends with the most contagious laughs. i am thankful for that. it's only slightly unfortunate when one of them starts laughing at something during class. because then NONE of us can stop, and it's game over for paying attention to lecture. yes. unfortunate, but i so love it.

i got an email from my mom last night with photos of my sister and niece. so adorable. plus a photo of my parents together playing golf. photos of the two of them are rare for some reason... so it definitely made me smile.

ok. that list has me smiling and feeling good.
i have a ridiculous amount of work to do in order to get ready to present my research at lab meeting tomorrow, so i better run.
here's to the week getting better + kicking this feeling of doubt and general blah-ness.

p.s. james just came in here and asked me what's wrong... he said we should go get ice cream. so sweet. :]

"maybe you would have been something i'd be good at. but. now. we'll. never. know."

i'm fairly certain the song that quote comes from it a break up song, but it works for me right now.
[no. there is no break up anywhere in sight.]

i applied for this silly dream job position, and i just found out that i didn't get it.
i figured as much, but it still sucks.

i don't really know what else to say.
i just barely got off the phone before i started crying. how lame am i?
but the thing is... i'm not a risk taker and this is exactly why. i hate being let down.

i don't know. i guess now i just take the advice that i gave to genea not so long ago... keep your face to the sun and you can see no shadows.
as much as i just want to crawl into bed right now and have a moment to be sad, i can't.
i have to believe that good things really do come.
i have to focus on the fact that i do have a really really good life, silly dream job or not. things happen and they cloud my vision every so often, but really. i am thankful for this life of mine.

and besides all of that, i already spent saturday in bed catching up on sleep. i can't allow myself another day of nothingness as much as i may want it. i have to prepare to present my research at lab meeting on wednesday for the last time. gasp.

so. maybe i'll go tell james and have a hug. then i will keep this song on repeat and get to work.
life goes on.