let go.

maybe this will be my first "real" blog post.

every once in a while, i have to remind myself to let go, refocus, and move forward.

but can you ever really forget someone?

can you ever completely let go?

i don't know. i just know it's really hard, if it's even possible at all. i am so happy in my current relationship. people who see me now always comment on how happy i appear to be. and i am really happy. i feel like my relationship is fabulous.

but sometimes i can't help but look back. sometimes i can't get him out of my mind, and in a way i can't get him out of my heart. people tell me... "he will always be in your heart, and that's ok." but i let it haunt me. the bottom line is, i am crying right now, and i know why in a general sense, but i don't really know why. i don't know why i am feeling so hurt or sad or whatever right now. i am happy where i am, so why the tears?

[for the record, i'm definitely not talking about dave.]

i wish it was possible to completely let go. but for me it's just not. [i know so many people who have totally been able to let go, and that makes it all the more frustrating.]

i guess in a way, i want him to be happy too, and i know he's just not. and maybe what's worse is that i want to help him be happy and he won't let me help in any form i can offer right now. he won't let anyone help him. it's so frustrating. i hate seeing him be so angry and knowing that he attributes a lot of his anger to me. i guess in a way, i wish i could go back and do it over and make it better. i just have no idea how it could have been done differently.

i don't even know what to say really. i'm just very confused right now. i thought it would help to write, but i don't even know what to say. ugh.