vent.

yeah. i wanted to write about this, then i thought maybe i shouldn't, but i'm just going to do it.

today i was having what seemed like a good talk with my friend. [any other day, i would have called her a good friend... somedays i might even call her my best friend. but not today.] i found out today that i got that scholarship grant thing that i was working on a while ago... and i told her about it, and then i told her that when i told james he said, "i'm so proud of you" and that it made me feel so good to hear him say that.

then.

all of the sudden.

attack.

she said something like "yeah i've been meaing to talk to you about him..." and she went on to completely attack and criticize him. i didn't even know what to say, i was so shocked. she went on for a good 20 minutes without stopping and without me saying more than a simple "yeah." i wanted to defend him, but i didn't even know how to do it. i felt like most of the things she was saying were just completely baseless, and what felt even worse is that just the other day, james was saying how he likes hanging out with nicole because she doesn't cause drama like most of the girls we know. guess that's not the case anymore. i guess she got mad because we all went to lunch on monday and she was talking to me and he interrupted her. i don't remember that happeneing. anyway. i made an excuse to get off the phone with her finally, and i just burst into tears. i called my *best* friend deepa who knows all of us... not wanting to put her in the middle of anything, but just needing to vent. so i cried hysterically on the phone with her, and she listened to everything that nicole said and was in shock just like me.

ok. and because i can't help myself i'm just going to review and go off a bit. so be warned... this is going to get petty, but i can't help it. i am so mad.

she said that i'm too smart for james. umm... ok. i got all A's this semester, while he got one A- and the rest A's in the SAME classes [which were SAME classes she took as well.] so an A vs A- means that i'm too smart for him? he's the one who usually helps me study! and because i'm so mad about this, i just need to throw in the fact that her boyfriend never even went to college.

she said that james is rude to her, and she would NEVER be rude to him. now she didn't give an example, just made this blanket statement. i just know that i cannot recall a single time when i felt like james said something rude to her. i can blatantly recall her telling james he was stupid one time in lab and i remember almost getting mad for him because it seemed so uncalled for. deepa remembered this too and brought it up before me. [the four of us were in the same group.] deepa said she feels like james treats both her and nicole like they are his sisters, and that he jokes around with them and maybe nicole doesn't understand that because she doesn't have an older borther like deepa and i do. i think it's a good point... but honestly, there are a lot of things james could call nicole out on or be rude to her about, but he is really good about not wanting to hurt her feelings.

she said that his friends make her cringe and seem inconsiderate. ok. she's been out with them one night, and as i was driving her home that night, she said she was surprised by how nice they were. so. i'm a little confused. but his friends have always been respectful and nice to me and certainly don't make me cringe. deepa happens to be dating one of his friends too... so you can imagine how that one went over with her. and [here again with the pettiness] let me just add, that she met her boyfriend online. so they have "been together" for around 2 years or so, but he lives in texas and has visited her here 3 times. she has never been there to visit him. so she has never even met his friends. so how does she know they won't make her want to cringe too.

anyway. enough of that... it's not really getting me anywhere. the bottom line is that i was really hurt by her comments. i felt that they were untrure, and i would even say that they were inconsiderate. it's frustrating because when i dated garrett, we didn't have any mutual friends to hang out with. similar situation with dave. and what i took away from that was that it's really important for me to have some mutual friends with my boyfriend. since we all called ourselves the "biochem buddies", i thought that we were all friends. now things are complicated and i feel like if i want to have lunch with my boyfriend, nicole isn't going to want to be there. i'm just sort of questioning our friendship now. after talking with deepa, i don't think nicole was being honest, and i don't think she approached this situation in a good manner. i can understand if there was some honest concern about our relationship... as a friend i would want her to say something, but to just launch a series of hurtful opinions and complaints with nothing to really back them up and for no real reason just doesn't seem like something a friend would do.

well i guess in a way, it was a good lesson. i've learned a lot of things about how i feel towards james. i can honestly say that i'm not just blindly siding with him. plus deepa helped me put nicole's comments into perspective. and i've learned a great deal about our friendship too. besides... all i hear from my sister is how cute james and i are together, and how this is the happiest she's seen me in a long time. my parents really respect him too, which means so much to me. i shouldn't and won't let one persons nonsense have an effect on me.

mmm kay. that was a good vent! and i'm feeling some closure on the situation now too. i mean... the dynamics of our group have irrevisibly changed. there probably won't be anymore group breakfasts after biochem exams or lunches at newman's deli with all of us. sad. but i guess i'll have to just see what happens. i don't know if i should tell james what happened or not. i really torn about that.

goodnight. i hope everyone has a fabulous weekend.