"maybe you would have been something i'd be good at. but. now. we'll. never. know."

i'm fairly certain the song that quote comes from it a break up song, but it works for me right now.
[no. there is no break up anywhere in sight.]

i applied for this silly dream job position, and i just found out that i didn't get it.
i figured as much, but it still sucks.

i don't really know what else to say.
i just barely got off the phone before i started crying. how lame am i?
but the thing is... i'm not a risk taker and this is exactly why. i hate being let down.

i don't know. i guess now i just take the advice that i gave to genea not so long ago... keep your face to the sun and you can see no shadows.
as much as i just want to crawl into bed right now and have a moment to be sad, i can't.
i have to believe that good things really do come.
i have to focus on the fact that i do have a really really good life, silly dream job or not. things happen and they cloud my vision every so often, but really. i am thankful for this life of mine.

and besides all of that, i already spent saturday in bed catching up on sleep. i can't allow myself another day of nothingness as much as i may want it. i have to prepare to present my research at lab meeting on wednesday for the last time. gasp.

so. maybe i'll go tell james and have a hug. then i will keep this song on repeat and get to work.
life goes on.