focus.

recently, it seems that i have lost my focus a little bit.
i just go through each day with no planning. no structure.
and as a result, i'm finding that each day is just blah.
and it's seriously starting to bother me. big time.

sometimes i hear or read about how much other people accomplish in a day. then i think about what i accomplish each day, and there is no comparison.
i need to get things under control.
find a more healthy routine.
because there are a lot of things that i want/need to do each day that just don't get done. i don't really have good reasons why they aren't getting done... i just get consumed with other things.

lately i've been dwelling over a text message. thinking about this text message and the person who sent it has really taken up my time. instead, i should be working on grad school applications or studying for the gre or sorting and printing photos to mail to my grandparents or paying a visit to my old lab or exercising or or or or... the list just goes on.
the point is there are things i'd rather be doing. and there are certainly things that i need to be doing instead.
but i have this little problem about letting words get under my skin.
so far under my skin that i forget about routines and plans and tasks, and i just dwell.

the text message went something like this:
"there is no friendship here amy. i don't want to be your friend. i have all the friends i need."

i've spent a few days now trying to understand those words and everything they mean.
i know it might seem obvious, but it's not so easy in this case.
i'm still kind of at a loss.

i've mentioned before on this blog how i don't like rejection. i don't take it very well.
this is just another form of rejection. but this form is so personal and so hurtful.
and when i think about it for too long, my eyes just fill up with tears.

i need to snap out of it though. stop thinking about it when i obviously won't really ever understand.
i'm tired of having this lump in my throat and these tears in my eyes.

it's time to get focused. and energized. and healthy.

picture perfect, indeed.

could this be any more adorable?
sigh.
these emails give me baby fever every time.
ha.
good thing victoria is here!

smiles.

she has grown so much since i last saw her!
she's taller for sure.
she can sit up. [and she totally loves it.]
and this morning she reached up and grabbed the little toy on her carrier. it was adorable.

she and amanda headed to carson until my brother comes in to town on saturday. i'm so excited for them to come back, so that i can soak up more baby time. i just love hanging out with her. it's especially fun now that she interacts so much more when you are playing with her. :]

i didn't go for the dnc.

ha. people kept asking me if i was visiting denver for the dnc.
i didn't even realize when i booked my flight that my trip would coincide...
obviously, i've been following politics very closely, eh?

anyway. i'm pretty sad to be home. i definitely wasn't ready for my trip to be over, which we all know is the sign of a good trip.

my grandparents picked me up from the airport on friday. i stayed at their house and they were also dog-sitting gonzo for a relative. whenever i would see gonzo out of the corner of my eye, i would just think it was helix because they are similar in size and color. gonzo really was fun to have around. it was the cutest thing ever listening to my grandpa talk to gonzo.

we had a nice dinner that night with my sister and jamie. after dinner, we played cards. my grandpa is a big fan of a game that we call rickie tickie. it goes by another name, which you'll see if you click on the link, but my grandparents prefer this name. ha. :] i either have good luck or very very bad luck. tonight it was bad luck. we were feeling the olympic spirit, so we kept awarding gold, silver, and bronze after each round. well. i didn't medal once in the 4 rounds we played. ha.

on saturday, my sister and i went to an outdoor mall. we nearly got rained out and didn't find much, but we came back with a bunch of carmel apples for dessert after dinner at one of my grandparents' favorite chinese restaurants. :]

on sunday, my sister, jamie, and i went to the denver zoo.

it got a bit hot and for a while it seemed the animals were only interested in showing us their backsides. ha. but we did get to see the baby snow leopards, a baby giraffe, and a baby zebra. i also really enjoyed watching one little penguin swim around in a pool and seeing the primates being fed. i made sure to get james some magnets with primates on them to take to work with him.
when i gave them to him after i got home he said, "these are going to work with me..." how perfect. ha.
that night we had a big family dinner. it was so nice to see some of the extended family. my aunt and my dad's cousin, charlie, stayed the night because it was too late for them to drive home when dinner was over. the three of us ended up staying up until 1:00am talking! it dawned on me more than once how funny it was to be up past midnight talking about what makes successful vs. unsuccessful relationships with a 55 year old and a 58 year old. :]

on monday, my grandparents felt like braving the potential traffic downtown from the dnc in order to show me the building that houses the denver art museum. you can see some photos on the website, but seriously... it's insane. i'm going to try to visit there again [and actually go inside] during my next trip to denver. we didn't go in this time because there wasn't really parking, and it was just too busy downtown.
we ate dinner at [everyone's favorite] olive garden that night, and my sister came over to my grandparents' house after dinner. my grandpa swears by good old fashion slide film and always has. he has an enormous collection of slides from throughout the years, which he is now sorting through and condensing. my sister convinced him to give us a slide show, and it was really a highlight of the trip. so many memories came back. he had a few slides from when he took my sister and i to a gymnastics camp while we were visiting one summer. during those slides i said, "grandpa! why didn't you make me keep going! i could have been an olympian!" he just laughed. there were slides from our trip to hawaii and others of a hike we took in colorado. he even has a collection called "a day in the life of baby paul." so cute.
my sister and i stayed up talking for a while that night. it was nice to have some sister time.

on tuesday, i caught up on sleep while my grandparents went to the dentist. ha. it was a nice slow-paced day. i visited the library with my grandma. so fun. :]
we went to the cheesecake factory for dinner. yummy. i wish there was one a little closer to reno, but based on how much i seem to eat every time i'm there... perhaps it's a good thing that my visits remain rare.
after dinner, we had another rickie tickie face off. i actually got two bronze medals and a gold this time around!

wednesday was my last day. my grandparents wanted to take me to the museum of nature and science. there is really too much to see there in one day, so after getting a bite to eat, we headed for the wildlife exhibits and then for the gems and minerals. both were very impressive. there were some mineral specimens that were just ridiculously beautiful. they even have a mock mine set up that you can walk though. there are so many more exhibits there that i would love to explore too. another visit is definitely on the list for my next trip. :]
my grandma made meat loaf that night... there's nothing quite like meat loaf at grandma's house, is there? so yummy.
and peach pie! oh. my. goodness. i've always been amazed at how quickly my grandma can make a pie. peeling the fruit alone is enough to keep me from making them. and her pies are always perfect... no matter what she says. ha.
after dinner, it was time to say goodbye. ack.
my sister took me to the airport and the sunset was tremendous.

oh. and i got a whole row to myself on the plane... there's not a whole lot that can make a flight better than that, is there? :]

i really can hardly wait to go back. we should be there for christmas... but i'm not sure that i'll make it that long.

today, amanda and victoria are coming up to visit. paul will join them here on saturday after work. and together we will all consume way too many ribs and way too much lemonade and fire roasted corn at the rib festival. with the recent intake of so much good food, i think it's definitely time to get back on track with wii fit. :]

can someone send the packing fairy?

that's me.
in my room.
with a mess of clothes behind me.
not wanting to pack.

if you know me, you know i made the packing list.
i'm all about the lists.
but the actual execution.
hmph.
not so much.

trying to get excited about it though because i have to leave at 6am.
why did i think that was a good plan?

p.s. my hair is getting too long!

getting back into it.

music, that is.

james and i had a conversation recently about how our friends assume we know so much about music.
and while we used to know our music pretty well, we have both kind of fallen out of the loop.
and the funny part is that it happened for both of us right around the time we started dating. kind of strange considering that one of the main things we had in common was our shared love for music. in fact, we both made mix tapes [ok, mix cds] for each other before we started dating. ah. memories.

anyway, i've really been missing going to shows and excitedly picking up albums the day they are released.
but i've been overwhelmed at the thought of getting back into it. james agreed when i brought it up at dinner tonight. he said he doesn't really think he has the time to invest in staying up to date anymore.
hmm.
time.
well.
i happen to have some of that on my hands lately.
so i decided that i have to just start somewhere...

here's what i'm currently excited about in the music world. [and yes. i realize that my taste in music is a little... amorphous. but i just enjoy music that inspires me, or makes me feel good, or makes me think, or helps me escape. along the way... these are some of the bands have made their way to the top of my list.]
- the faint had a new album released on august 5th.
- conor oberst played on the tonight show on august 6th. i missed it, but i was able to find it online to watch.
- tv on the radio has a new album coming august 23rd. you can hear one of the new tracks just by visiting their website.
- okkervil river has a new album coming september 9th. leading up to the release, they are having each song on the new album covered by other artists. they are releasing the videos on youtube. here is the first one.
- death cab for cutie is playing a show here in november.

ok. so it's a slow start, but it's something. :]

alright. i'm going to hate myself in the morning when i have to wake up for work. ack.
and i need to somehow find the time to do some serious laundry tomorrow so that i can pack for my trip to colorado.
i'm so excited to see my sister and my grandparents. [i got word from my sister tonight that my grandpa's psa has gone down from 11 to 3.8! we are very very very excited about this. he is no longer taking part in the drug trial and is back on his old medication, which seems to have lowered the count. truly awesome news. my grandpa asked the doctor how long he can expect to live and he said it could be 5 months or 5 years. obviously we are hoping for the later. my grandma was very happy at the potential and has vowed to take good care of him, which melts my heart.]
oh and alyssa, i'm going to see if i can arrange a visit with andy from the science fair because he might be in denver right now... wouldn't that be crazy after all these years!?

ok. goodnight. :]

finally. something scrappy.

i finally took some photos of my recent pages. woot.


the first one i finished a while ago, but kept on my desk just in case i wanted to add something else to it.
well. i decided that it's done.
it was the first page i made with my first studio calico kit [plus some buttons from my collection] and so far, it's the only page i've made with that kit. ha.
it had been a while since i'd scrapped when i made this page, and i remember it felt pretty good to finally get something done. [unfortunately the luck didn't really continue. ah well.]
it's not quite how i imagined it would turn out, but i'm happy with it.
i anticipate that i will scrap that photo many many more times. it's a favorite.




the second page is the one that i started during my visit to may.
i made it using the latest studio calico kit plus a journaling card from october afternoon that was on my desk when i was finishing it. i ended up buying the making memories trim at work just for that red piece of lace. i'll probably use some of the other trims in the package, but the red piece was the one that really got me. i tired and tried to find a suitable substitute, but there just weren't any to be found. i had really been resisting the urge to buy it for quite a while, but then i broke down and bought it for a mini album i was making at work one day [still working on it, slowly but surely]. the red lace was perfect for this page as well. :]
you may recognize the photo from my chicago trip. it's another favorite.
i think that in the end, this page turned out better than i anticipated. i had been really struggling to scrap, so it was a nice surprise to have this page turn out something like i envisioned. [thanks may, for getting me back on track!]

oh. and i bet you can't guess what my favorite thickers are at the moment. ha. i'm making mini with them too... hopefully i'll finish it soon, but i'm enjoying the process on this one. lots of playing around with paper while working on it, and it's making me happy. finally feeling good [not frustrating] to scrap.

well. i have to take my car down for it's oil change now. hopefully it will forgive me for neglecting it. :]

oh. and to make up for being so ridiculous to james, i took him to dinner. i was going to cook a nice meal for him, but then i came to my senses and remembered that i can count on one hand the number of meals that i've cooked for him that he actually really liked. ha. so i let him pick a place, and then while we were eating i told him how i blogged about the story and he laughed and reminded me how crazy i had acted. it was pretty funny actually.

ack. :/

1. my car only gets it's oil changed approximately every 15,000 miles because it's german. and i guess that's just how they roll.
but it's not ever exactly 15,000 miles.
the car has to decide when it's ready, and if you take it in before it's ready, they won't change the oil.
anyway.
i totally lost track.
and now.
the "miles left until you need an oil change" reads -25 miles.
that can't be good.

2. the smoke detector battery is going dead.
james is asleep.
the smoke detector is on the ceiling, which is too high up for me to reach.
the chirping noise is getting to me.
in a big way.
obviously, i can't sleep.
[and obviously james sleeps like a rock.]

3. james and i got in a "fight" tonight.
i wanted him to go get food with me even though it was past 11:00 & i know he has to wake up early for work & i know he probably didn't get a lot of sleep this weekend since he was with his friends in the city all weekend & i also know how exhausted i usually get after driving home from the city. the point of the run on sentence is that i know it was late, and he was tired.
but.
i hadn't eaten all day aside from a frappuccino, a handful of popcorn, and about 6 raviolis that weren't worth eating.
ok. so i had eaten. a bit. but i was hungry. very hungry.
and therefore very grumpy.
and i'm scared that my car will hate me if i drive it any place other than directly to the dealership for its oil change the next time i get inside it.
so he's laying in his bed, and i go down and ask him again if he's sure he doesn't want to take me to get food... he says no. and adds that if i was really, truly hungry i could find something here to eat.
i slam the dog gate on my way upstairs. [nice one, amy.]
he comes up, with his shoes on and his car key in hand and yells "let's go!"
and i refuse.
because i am stubborn.
stubborn.
stubborn.
stubborn.

so.
5 hours later... i'm sitting here hungry, with the stupid smoke detector chirping, unable to fall asleep.
because i am stubborn.
stubborn.
stubborn.
stubborn.

grr.
what the heck is my deal.
i have to think of something nice to do for him tomorrow...

a little bit blah.

i'm not feeling 100% healthy the past few days.
since james left for san francisco yesterday with a few friends for a concert this weekend, i've been trying to just sleep it off. still i just feel like i'm in a bit of a fog lately.

i'm going to attempt to go scrapbook at the store tonight, so we'll see how that goes.
i have some photos ready, and i think i'll just take my studio calico kits along and not much else.
hopefully keeping it simple will help me get something done. :]
[plus, it's not like there won't be plenty of product around if i need something. ha.]

i finished reading love walked in on thursday at work. [just before four boxes of new product arrived for me to enter and put out.]
so now i need a new book. i did a bit of browsing online, and i found out that there is a sequel that came out not too long ago. i didn't even think there was a sequel, so that was a good find. i was going to start on something else, but now i want to read the next book while the first one is still fresh in my mind. i enjoyed the first one [even if i was tearing up for the last quarter of the book], so i'm ready for more.

so i guess that i'm going to try to muster up the energy to do a bit of shopping before i go scrapbook tonight. i want to stop at the bookstore, and i need to stop at target. somewhere between my shower and a drawer in my bathroom, my razor mysteriously disappeared. nice. i have seriously looked everywhere, and i can't find it. so i guess i'll be buying a new one. i also want to stop by trader joe's to get some yummy cheddar popcorn to take with me tonight.

off i go.
i hope everyone is having a good weekend!

teeny tiny pain.

i had my 40 minute adventure with the dentist today.

i think i looked more pale than normal because he asked "what's so scary?" when he came in and saw me.
i told him that i'm afraid of needles and he said, "ok. then i won't wave it around in front of your face."
ha.
he's actually always been very good about that, but this time he was especially good and understanding about my fear. he told me to close my eyes when it came time for that part.

the only problem is that now... about 16 hours later, i can still feel where the injection went in and it's creeping me out so much!
seriously.
there is only a teeny tiny pain there at the injection site, but i can't sleep because if i don't keep my mind occupied, it's all i can think about.
ugh.
that big huge needle.
it makes my skin crawl.

in an attempt to get my mind off of it, i should probably talk about something else...

how about the olympics?
the games are seriously taking up my days and nights. i'm so into it this year.
did you see the white water event today where togo got it's first medal as a country? so cool.
the gymnastics was a little heart breaking. i can't believe how talented those chinese girls are though.
beach volleyball has been awesome to watch. i have to say that volleyball is probably one of the most fun sport to watch in my opinion, and the beach version is even better.
and the swimming. oh the swimming. it has quickly become my favorite event to watch. :]

oh and another paint update...
i warned my mom about it after i picked up from the airport monday morning [she and my dad went to visit the baby again. yes. i was jealous.] she actually likes it better than i expected, although i don't think she 100% loves it.
my dad came to reno tonight, and i'm fairly certain that he didn't notice. if he did, he didn't say anything about it... which would be unexpected. we'll see what he says tomorrow because i'm pretty sure he'll notice it by then since he's working from home here tomorrow.

ok. i guess i better go find another distraction now.

did you see that!?

the US men just beat the french men in the freestyle relay!

not even kidding when i say that i was sitting here by myself and actually stood up and jumped around [looking like a fool, i'm sure] after jones jumped in the water just hoping they would win. the announcers were saying the US wouldn't be able to beat the french, which made me just know they could do it... those announcers are always doubting when they should just believe.

prosperity.

i just learned that eight symbolizes prosperity in chinese culture.
pretty cool.
happy eight eight ohh eight. :]

as you can probably guess... i'm watching the olympics.
so excited.

[paint update coming soon.]

a sign that i've been watching too much hgtv.

james and i are going to buy paint!

i can't say i didn't expect it.

i went to the dentist today.

i've been noticing a little pain when i eat, but i've been choosing to ignore it.
even when they asked me if i was having any problems, i said no. ha.

but. it turns out that i have a tiny spot that might be a cavity.
it doesn't even show up on the x-ray, it's so small.
but i still have to get it filled.

between the recent pain and all the junk i eat... i think i saw this coming.
i guess i'm even a little relieved that it's only a tiny one.
and hopefully it will make the pain go away when they fix it.

in other news,
the second sisterhood movie is coming out tomorrow.
you can bet that deepa and i have been anxiously texting about it and making plans to go see it. :]


oh and i started a new book at work on sunday called love walked in. i'm not that far into it yet, but so far i really like it.

& & it looks like i'll have to hurry up and finish it because after hearing over and over that i should read it, may has convinced me to read the twilight series. a daunting task for a slow-ish reader like me... but it sounds like it will be worth it.

sun sick.

you know that feeling you get when you have a sun burn.
just feeling sick and grumpy. that's was me today. ack.

overall, our little camping trip was a success. most notably, i'd say we did much better with the food this time around even though it was all very last minute.

it started out on friday with a struggle to find the tent we wanted. i made james meet me at target because i really really don't like to shop at that store that starts with a w. [and i had forgotten about all of the outdoor stores we have around here. ha.] we found one that we liked, but there were none in stock. go figure. but james was quick to remind me that we have all sorts of outdoor stores, so we headed out to check them.

four outdoor stores later, we ended up heading out to check the target in sparks... success! they had the tent. :]

meanwhile, we were ridiculously behind schedule at this point. so we went home and quickly packed up the car. then we stopped at the grocery store on the way out. this is where we hit the food jackpot. they had all kinds of pre-made skewer foods, including these lemon pepper chicken skewers. sweet deal. no pb&j for us. ha.

due to our late late start, we barely made it to the campsite before dark. the sun was already down, so james and andrew put up the tent in little light that was left. i'm amazed at how quickly they are able to assemble tents. seriously. it seems like such a pain, but they make it look so easy.

[here's a photo of the tent the next day, just before we took it down.]

the rest of the night was spent around the campfire. we made a few of the skewers and of course some s'mores. oh! and i actually had cell phone reception. major plus in my book. no one else had reception, which was a plus in their book.
"it's not camping if you have cell phone reception."
well. i beg to differ. especially when eliza made a wrong turn and got lost on her way out to the campsite. [she ended up winding around on mountain roads. by herself. in the dark. ugh. i would have been so scared.] so thank goodness for good reception so that i could direct her.

that night was a night of little sleep thanks to helix. i expected it, but that didn't make it any easier. he was restless in the tent all night. [even though we picked the tent with him in mind because it had a little doggie room in it. i guess he wasn't impressed. ha.] i was mostly just waiting for the sun to come up so that i could get up. when it finally did, i took him out for a little run to the lake that was at our campsite. it was so crazy to feel like one of those people. you know... the morning runners. maybe one day. :]

eventually james and eliza got up. james cooked a yummy breakfast of eggs and bacon. we were all a little sad that claus wasn't there early enough to make us those yummy pancakes that he did last year, but eggs and bacon were a good substitute.

eliza had to leave in the afternoon to go visit her sister,
so i made james get a photo of use before she left. at the same time she was leaving, claus arrived with his family. his kids were very excited to go play in the water, so [to my own shock] i put on my bathing suit and headed down to the lake with the rest of the group. [thus the painful sunburn. i actually wore sunscreen, but i used maria's spray stuff. never. again. ugh. i have the classic zebra sunburn. little strips of white interspersed with strips of red. nice.]

james took claus' kayak out for another ride. i asked him when he got back if he would want to own a kayak, and he said yes. maybe i'll keep that in mind for a future gift. ha.

it's very rare that helix will voluntarily go in the water for a swim. he will get his paws wet at the shore, but that's about all. so james took him a little ways out and made him go swimming. it makes me laugh every time because his little tail always stays above the water just bobbing back and fourth. so cute.

and to prove that i actually did get in the water, here's a photo of me with some of my friends from the lab.
i know, i know... brown hat with a black swimming suit. but i found that had in my car and the thought of not having a sunburnt scalp seemed so appealing. :]

after a day of fun at the lake, during which i actually managed three sips of james' beer because i was so thirsty and no one thought to bring any water in the cooler on the ridiculously long walk down to the lake, we had our big potluck dinner. james and i brought macaroni salad and pie, the later of which seemed to be a big hit.

shortly after dinner, james and i packed up and headed home. i jumped in the shower as soon as we walked in the door. then we gave helix a bath. the amount of dirt coming out of his fur was insane. the poor dog was more tired than james and i were and promptly fell asleep after his bath. we have yumi, claus' daughter, to thank for that. she was walking helix around after we ate and wouldn't stop. even when helix would lay down and not move... somehow she would make him continue walking. plus maria had already taken him for a two mile run that day. so the little dude got his fill of exercise.

now i really need to make myself sort through photos and print some. i have these and the chicago photos, plus some other older ones that i still want to scrapbook. i've been noticing that a big reason why i haven't been scrapbooking much is due to a lack of printed photos. imagine that.

i hope everyone enjoyed the weekend. :]

august + getting old.

august?
what?
where the heck did you come from?
seriously.

i keep seeing back to school commercials.

and
i
don't
like
it
one
bit.

it gives me anxiety. because i kind of feel like my summer just started and i'm not ready to go back to school.
and then i realize that I'M NOT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.
and then i get a whole other kind of anxiety. ha.

deepa and i enjoyed a girls' night tonight.

we ate at genghis grill.

we ventured to world market where she found a sweet bottle of wine, which we think is called "the bastard" but it's in another language. and i found the mother box of those amazing koala cookies that i have been in love with since i was a child.

[oh yes. i really am that excited over this find. see. i'm a pretty simple girl for the most part. give me koala cookies, and i'm happy. especially since lately i've only been able to find the panda ones, which clearly just aren't as good.]

you can bet that i'm finishing off those pandas before i move on to the superior quality koalas. :]

then we went to tapioca express and realized that we are old.
it was deepa's first time. naturally, i was disappointed when they didn't seal my cup with the usual plastic film with the magic cup sealing machine. i mean really... that's half the reason i love that place so much. [the other half is that the thai tea snow bubble is equally as good as the thai iced tea at bangkok cuisine. pure delight.] but i was even more disappointed when my lid started pouring out liquid. i had to quickly fashion up a diaper for my cup. no joke. then deepa's was the same way!
so deepa [being deepa] said something to the girl about the lids totally sucking.
and the girl said in a lame, melodramatic voice, "oh. sorry. that's all we have."
i wanted to say "NO IT ISN'T. YOU HAVE A MACHINE RIGHT THERE THAT WILL SEAL MY CUP PERFECTLY. YOU IDIOT." but i [being amy] didn't say it.
however, deepa [being deepa] uttered "effing teenagers" as we walked over to fashion her up a little diaper for her cup.

and that was when i realized that we are getting old.

despite my conversation with garrett about how i am so not feeling old, the conversation that ensued over cup diaper making was evidence to the contrary.

but hey, at least it was hilarious.

we made one last stop at barnes and noble where deepa forced me to finally buy the gre study guide that i have picked up about four times and immediately put back on the shelf. ha.

and we made it home just in time to watch america's best dance crew. missy elliot is the best, is she not?

tomorrow calls for some serious camping prep, or else we just might have to stay home. [ha.] james' brother is also going camping tomorrow, so he took all of their camping gear. i'd say that not having a tent might be a good excuse not to go, right? we'll see. i do want to have some photos to use with the mr. campy papers... so i still have a little bit of motivation to make it happen. :]

p.s. tonight when james got home from school 30 seconds after i got home from work [how do we keep timing it like that!?] he asked me to guess what song was in his mind... i told him that i had no idea. so he grabbed my computer and started playing this video for me:

part way in, thinking that it seemed pretty romantic and perfectly sweet, i asked him it is was his song to me.

he explained that today at work, his co-worker/new friend imad let him borrow the cd to listen to in his cubicle, and the two of them had been singing it all day.
ohhh. how romantic. for them. not for me.
but i'm not bitter.
really.
:]