focus.

recently, it seems that i have lost my focus a little bit.
i just go through each day with no planning. no structure.
and as a result, i'm finding that each day is just blah.
and it's seriously starting to bother me. big time.

sometimes i hear or read about how much other people accomplish in a day. then i think about what i accomplish each day, and there is no comparison.
i need to get things under control.
find a more healthy routine.
because there are a lot of things that i want/need to do each day that just don't get done. i don't really have good reasons why they aren't getting done... i just get consumed with other things.

lately i've been dwelling over a text message. thinking about this text message and the person who sent it has really taken up my time. instead, i should be working on grad school applications or studying for the gre or sorting and printing photos to mail to my grandparents or paying a visit to my old lab or exercising or or or or... the list just goes on.
the point is there are things i'd rather be doing. and there are certainly things that i need to be doing instead.
but i have this little problem about letting words get under my skin.
so far under my skin that i forget about routines and plans and tasks, and i just dwell.

the text message went something like this:
"there is no friendship here amy. i don't want to be your friend. i have all the friends i need."

i've spent a few days now trying to understand those words and everything they mean.
i know it might seem obvious, but it's not so easy in this case.
i'm still kind of at a loss.

i've mentioned before on this blog how i don't like rejection. i don't take it very well.
this is just another form of rejection. but this form is so personal and so hurtful.
and when i think about it for too long, my eyes just fill up with tears.

i need to snap out of it though. stop thinking about it when i obviously won't really ever understand.
i'm tired of having this lump in my throat and these tears in my eyes.

it's time to get focused. and energized. and healthy.