decision time.

i got accepted to pharmacy school.

honestly, i had a feeling i would after the interview. so it was the only outcome i'd been visualizing. then a few days ago, i started realizing that it wasn't a guarantee. maybe i'd completely misread the day and my interview experience. i wasn't too sure how i would feel if i didn't get accepted... probably not too good though! haha.

my dad has told me a few times about how he only applied to one medical school. he chose it because the application was simple and straightforward. he never really thought he was supposed to apply to more than one school or have a backup school or anything like that. and he never really thought he wouldn't get accepted. then a couple weeks after he started medical school, he realized that everyone else had applied to a bunch of schools. no one else in his class had applied to only one. so he started panicking about the fact that he might not have gotten accepted and thinking how it was a bad decision to only have applied to one school. we always get a good laugh about him panicking after the fact. :]

anyway. after i saw the email i couldn't really react. part of me knew i should jump for joy or something similar, but i didn't. i just felt confused. it's such a big decision. and i'm so confused. i know i want to be a pharmacist. nothing to be confused about there. i just wish i'd fallen in love with the school. maybe that's unrealistic though. my friend mike told me that i'm probably not going to fall in love with a school... he seemed to think i was crazy for thinking i would. so anyway. a few minutes after my initial reaction, i just kind of kept shaking my head in a sort of flabbergasted manner. like i just witnessed something i couldn't believe i'd seen. and also like "what the heck am i going to do."

then i had to think about who to tell first. i decided to send my dad a text message, but all i could write was "happy birthday, poppy!" haha. [it's his 60th birthday today!] i decided to call james. he didn't answer. so i just decided to let things happen as they happen, and tell people as i encounter them. i checked my email, and i had a facebook reply from my friend yenh [who was instrumental in my decision to apply to pharmacy school] asking if i'd heard any good news yet. so i wrote back "i got the good news today." then james called me. so i'm pretty sure james was still the first to know. i think he was taken back by the fact that i wasn't exuding pure joy and excitement. but i felt shy about telling him. it was his dream first. but it's happening for me first. definitely not ideal. he told me i had to go and was confused by my confusion and insistence that it's a big decision. i think to him, it's a no brainer. i started crying just as we were getting off the phone, but i'm pretty sure he didn't know. i think one of the hardest things is knowing that if i go, i'm going alone. no one to lean on when things get intense and seem too hard for me. james won't be there to make me study with him like he did all through undergrad. sigh.

so that's the news for now. i'm happy that i'll be heading to vegas in a few days to spend time with my family. hopefully by the end of the trip, i'll have made my decision. it's really hard to imagine not accepting the offer. but i just want to be 100% sure that i'm doing the right thing. if you have any thoughts, i'd love to hear what you think. :]