:|

there is this one episode of sex in the city where big is dating a new girl. she's a movie star and of course it starts off great for big, but then it goes all wrong. he says over and over when looking to carrie for sympathy or whatever "she can reach me... but i can't ever get her." referring to how she can call him whenever, but he can never get ahold of her.

do you ever have a moment... listening to a song, reading a book, or watching a movie or show where you are just like YES! AMEN! etc. etc. when you relate to the plot so much that you almost think they took the words right from your mouth?

yeah. that's how i've felt in regards to garrett. [there. i'll say his name.] he changed his phone number and sent out a message telling everyone to get back to him for his new number. i responded. but he never did. he called me when he was home with his parents for a week because he could use their phone and was having girl problems and was just generally bored i suppose. i talked to him. tried to help him feel better and whatnot. i needed to ask him something about a month ago, so i resorted to sending him a message on the space. he never responded.

now.

today i was in lab for a good part of the day and wasn't around my phone. when i finally looked at it, i had 14 missed calls, 2 voicemails, and 2 text messages from a number i didn't know. that was all within 2 hours, which really seems extensive to me. so i just called it instead of trying to sort through the messages.

i had no idea what to expect. but then garrett answered. it turns out... he wanted to know where a puppy store in reno is because he was driving through on his way to fallon with nicole [the girl he moved to rocklin for, the same girl he called me to complain about when they broke up] and wanted to stop by the puppy store.

excuse me!? that warranted 14 phone calls?

yeah. i was a little confused. and then i started thinking about it and the more i thought... the more angry i became. i just feel like there was a motive beyond wanting to go to a puppy store. honestly, you can google things like that. i just know that i would never call him [well if i could that is... since i don't have his number anyway] and say "james and i are driving through rocklin and i was wondering if you could tell me where this certain store is located." i just wouldn't do something like that. it seems unnecessary, and there is no need to rub things in each others' faces.

so after talking to my friend about it, i decided that i would call him and just kind of ask what was going on and pretty much tell him that it's not ok for him to be able to contact me whenever he pleases, but never respond to me.

then. i got home and my mom told me garrett had called the house today. [honestly. a bit out of control.] and she said the caller id said nicole, so she thought it was my friend nicole and answered it. ok. so the number he was calling me from was her number. i'm definitely not going to call that number to carry out the above plan.

so i've just resolved that i am going to be stonger and start ignoring him when he calls me. i just think he is looking for a reaction when he calls, and there needs to be a reality check to let him know that i am not just available at his leisure. i want to maintain a friendship with him, but it needs to be fair, and this just isn't. i need to sort of do some housekeeping for my emotions and my life. i know that i let people affect me too much, and i think this will be the way i can help it. it's funny because the biggest thing that made me so unhappy towards the end of our relationship was the fact that he took me for granted SO MUCH. he invested very little time into me, but knew that i would always be there when nothing else was available. and i was. and now i realize that i still am. and it's making me unhappy just like it did back then.

so yeah. i just needed to get that off my chest. :|